Yesterday I could not stop crying. Everything, I mean everything came to the surface. Sometimes days are just like that
It is all overwhelming at times
I wrote a letter to my to some family members , but I will not send it.. I edited it for viewing
there is more that was said and you can probably read between the lines, that is OK with me, because all of us know what we are going through.
no one gets it
if you do not have someone in your life with T1 that you live with
you do not get it
you do not get that
i pray my son is alive when i check him at night, every night
i am usually up 2-6 times a night
i pray he does not go into dka (again)
or go low and drop while playing
no one knows how difficult it is to make all meals and snacks every day with no time off, meals that help to heal and maintain close to normal blood sugar levels
packaged and convenience foods? what is that???
i am on 24 hours a day 7 days a week, with no break
even if he is not with me
i wonder
did he check his b/g
did he take his insulin
there is no time off, ever
most nights i sleep little
so i forget
to call people, especially people who do not call me, not for revenge but because i forget
they have disconnected themselves from us... and i forget or when i do think to call
a b/g needs to be taken
a shot given
a question to answer
we would love if you called us,sent a card or let us know you are thinking of us in some way
do you know we pay a lot of dollars a month in medical bills? our cash is gone so i need to charge the food we eat, the clothes for our body
A vacation?
I am sorry we cannot come and see you
we love you a lot
But....
I need to buy medicine to keep my son alive
we are paying medical bills
we are saving for braces
we are saving for a pump
just to name a few
vacation, fun? i think not
a vacation is
when i only get up twice a night
his last numbers were good
i get a hug
that is my vacation
it is fleeting
moments in time
never more than an hour or two
HUGS! I'm so sorry that you even have to THINK about writing this type of letter. I cannot believe the number of us that are going through these same feelings all at the same time. What is going on???
ReplyDeleteI hope getting it out helped a little, and that you push past this soon. You are in our thoughts.
You're right, Alix, no one else can walk in our shoes. We're making hard choices hourly in how to care for our child, doing the best we can every day, and balancing the needs of the rest of our family. It is exhausting and can be isolating. And, as tough as it is to have family and friends not understand or support you in the way you need to be supported, you know you've got your T1 Family backing you up. We're here, and we're not going anywhere. Love, Mo
ReplyDeleteIt is tough enough when strangers don't get it, but when its family...
ReplyDeleteI hope that this letter gave you the release you needed. It says the things that we all wish we could. (((hugs))) to you Alix.
sending you love and hugs!
ReplyDeletesending you so much love and so many hugs. I hope you can feel my arms around you hugging you and lifting you up. I understand you and I understand your feelings - - - I wish I could take it all away from you. From all of us.
ReplyDeleteOh Alix, I am so sorry. My heart aches for you! I know how hard it is...no one can truly understand unless they live it.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))) to you dear friend. We get it. We are here for you!
Thanks for all the love and support!!!!
ReplyDelete